Being Mom

Today Jacquie came over before going to lunch with some new friends. We visited a bit before she left and I asked her to bring me back some bread pudding. There is nothing better than bread pudding from Crackers. A couple hours later as I was doing the dishes I heard her come back and with anticipation of my yummy bread pudding I went to great her. Instead of finding her with my delicious desert she was on the couch in tears. She went to lunch today with other women who have lost a child as a type of support group. This was her first time going and the feelings she had were so close to the surface. She came over and just broke down. I put my arms around her and just let her sob. It broke my heart. I miss Kaden so much too and seeing her pain was so tough. I can't make it better, I can't take away the pain, I can't fully understand what it feels like to loose a child, he was my grandson and it hurts me too. As her mom all I could do was hold her, tell her how much I love her and how perfect he was. We looked at pictures, remembered precious stories, cried and laughed. He was so dang cute. Cleft lip and all. He was perfect. Now he is gone and back with Heavenly Father. Memories we shared help us to feel close to him and that is what we do to ease the pain. We will see him again but the pain of his loss will never go away. Jacquie left and I think today was what we both needed. Time to remember, cry, laugh, and feel of the love our Savior has for us.

She forgot my bread pudding and for that I can forgive. I can get that anytime....