Gratitude, Loss, and Being Thankful

As I think back on things I am thankful for I can't help but put Kaden and the time we had with him near the top of the list. You see a year ago today he spent his last full day on earth with us gathered around his bedside. He was air evaced to St. Josephs hospital where we had some hope he would get a procedure to improve his lung function. After meeting with the Dr.'s there it was determined the procedure would not help. We still had hope that he would improve on his own and come back home. He had been through tough times before and always pulled through. Jacquie and Rusty, Helen and I decided to spend the night at the hospital so we could be close. We slept on and off and many times during the night I would just go look at Kaden as he rested. In the morning as I went in to see how he was doing I sensed the urgency as the respiratory therapist was there working on the machines that were helping him to breath. It was shortly after that Jacquie and Rusty spoke with the Dr.'s and found out that Kaden was not going to make it. My little girls' world began to crumble. She had to say good bye to her baby boy. Her son that she fought so hard to stay pregnant with, the son she watched fight to make it. He overcame every obstacle he was faced with. He fought the fight and was winning. Through it all Jacquie and Rusty remained positive and full of faith. We were all so grateful for each day he grew and got stronger in the NICU. We were so happy the day he came home. Jacquie was able to be a mom, full time, without nurses and Dr.'s. So much to be thankful for. Even though Kaden lost his battle November 30, 2009 there is so much we gained by knowing him for 6 short months. So many things to be thankful for... As I reflect on the month of November and my time to be grateful, I can't help but remember all that was done for our family this past year especially the few days following Kaden's passing. We had each other for support and the Lord for comport. We had friends who came to the hospital, brought in meals, and helped with the funeral. I had angels that decorated my house for Christmas even before I came home from the Hospital. Friends who gathered pictures and items for display so those that never met Kaden could feel of his spirit. Money donated to help with expenses, flowers, food and more food. Family that came from out of town, cards, and phone calls. So much to be grateful for, and things I will never forget. The sister in the ward, who had lost her husband, that showed up on our doorstep with her 5 kids and sang to our family the most beautiful Christmas carols. We felt an out pouring of love from those around us. Mostly I felt the love of my Heavenly Father. I know He knows me and is aware of my needs. He carried me through one of the toughest times in my life and helped me to be grateful for every minute of it. No bitterness, no anger. As the month of November closes and the anniversary of Kaden's death is here I remember the many things I am thankful for. I miss him and long to hold him. I ache as I watch Jacquie and Rusty live with losing their first born son. Still I am thankful for the lessons they teach me and the kindness I've been shown.