JULZ: Today

There are so many things I am thankful for. Some days its tough to remember them all. I am grateful for all I have but there are times that I seem to forget. I feel sorry for myself at times and wish for things I don't have. I think we all do sometimes. November is a tough month for me. On the 20th is my dad's birthday and I miss him so much. He was my one person who I turned to and I could talk to. He was my rock and my friend. He was my dad and I was one of his little girls. Today, the 30th, is the anniversary of Kaden's passing. Two years ago this month started out great with Kaden home and seemingly doing well. Than he was hospitalized and we spent Thanksgiving visiting him. I was hopeful and really thought he'd get better. I thought it was just one more trial to get through and that his heart would just need some meds and his lungs would improve. I was not prepared for what the Dr.'s said that morning. It was like a dream. We went through the motions, made phone calls for family to get to the hospital, and said our goodbye's. I was not prepared to say goodbye. Not ready but I knew this was the Lords plan and it was His time. Time to say good bye to my "Little Buddy ". Oh how I miss him. I can tell you that there is NEVER a day that I don't think of him and long to have him around. They say it gets easier and I think it just gets different. Never easy when it's someone you love. It still hurts like hell. Times when out of nowhere I feel the tears falling off my cheeks and not knowing why at that exact moment it hit me. It's tough to be the grandma. Tough being the mom of a daughter who lost her son. Not only do I hurt for my loss but for the loss and pain that I see my daughter go through. It is a daily struggle for her and my heart goes out to her and Rusty. So as I struggle with my feelings I still have many things I am thankful for. I am so thankful for the many hours I was able to spend looking into his issolette and watch him grow. It was great to see him overcome many obstacles, grow and develop and come home. I was able to have him stay the night a couple times so Jacquie and Rusty could get some rest. His schedule was demanding and for that I am also thankful, it gave me time to serve him. His passing brought many tender mercies and brought me closer to my Heavenly Father. His death changed me and my family forever. I don't look at things the same anymore. I did not know that day would be his last and I would never see him grow up. You never imagine loosing those you love especially the life of a child so young. He would be 2 1/2 now, running around and getting into things. Instead we think of what should have been and try to imagine what he would look like. Today as we honor him we will decorate Jacquie and Rusty's house for Christmas. Kaden liked to look at the lights on the tree before he went into the hospital so we will set up the tree to remember that smile. We will bring a new arrangement to his grave and clean off the headstone. We will remember his smile and those eyes that were so powerful. We will remember all those who helped care for him and love him. Our lives are better for knowing him. We are so thankful for having him if even for a short time. We miss him and will never forget him. Today we will honor him. Kaden Addington Fife I love you . I miss you. I am forever thankful for you. We will see you again.