Well I am getting so tired of this muggy weather. It rained today for like 5 minutes and that didn't help a bit. I really enjoyed having Michael home this past week and we had a lot of family time. I have been reflecting about a lot of things these past few days and thought I would share. I love spending every spare minute I can with my family. In the past I worked way more than I do now, or at least it felt like it. The difference is I worked mostly nights before and now it is a mixture. My job is also way less demanding. Leave it at the door when I leave. I still enjoy an occasional time out with a friend but these past few years I have learned a lot about family and friends. So many of you, my friends, have been so thoughtful and kind. The occasional text or phone call seems to come at times when I need it most. With the events of these past few years I could not have come this far without friends and family. These past few days have been super tough for some reason. I am so full of emotion and it will not leave me. Tears come out of no where. I think of my dad so often and there are so many times I just wish we could talk. He was always someone who understood me. My mom is in Michigan and I miss her so much when she travels. Her and my dad traveled every summer since I was in high school. (yes a very long time) Each summer since my dad passed away my mom says it will be her last year being gone for the whole summer. Maybe one year she will mean it and not leave for so long. Since it is now past midnight it is now her b-day and it makes me miss her more when I can't be with her on special days like this. I know my brother and sister will have fun with her and being in Michigan she is around a ton of extended family so I'm sure there will be a Sharpy style party today.

I have been missing my buddy Kaden so much. I long to hold him and see his smile. I do not know the pain Jacquie feels and I hope to never find out but my pain is so real. I want him back here with us. It is so unfair sometimes. This is a trial I never wanted. I know there is a reason for everything and don't get me wrong I have learned a lot, grown, been strengthened, and forever changed. I want it to be done. I want the pain to end. I want to hold my grandson... Some people will never experience this pain and be thankful. Others have and will endure much more than I and my heart goes out to them. Some may feel I'm being dramatic and frankly I don't care. I have loved and have lost and it hurts. I think back to just this past summer when my day consisted getting up, going to the hospital and spending hours just looking at Kaden. I would go to work and sometimes go back to the hospital after my shift just to look some more. I was so drawn to him and always wanted to be near him. He was perfect and had such a neat spirit about him. Those few people who got to look at him know what I mean. The rare few that held him know ever better. Kaden only met one of my friends when he was alive and I know there were those he never met but still he touched. So as I reflect back on the many hours he filled my life with happiness and love I am so thankful. I can only imagine what it will be like when we are re united in Heaven.

Jacquie will have an ultra sound on Friday and we may know if she will be having a girl or another boy. I think boy but most everyone thinks pink. She will also find out about the status of the sub chorionic hemorrhage. Please continue to keep her in your prayers. Healthy and full term is what we all want. Heck I'm sure we could even be happy with overdue :0] Sorry Jax. Out of the 1.3% of all pregnancy's this happens in we are not sure how Jacquie got to be one to have this happen to for a second time. She is a champ and is handling everything so well. I'm sure having Rusty by her side helps a ton. The two of them really are good for each other.

Thanks for listening to me.